All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
EMO PHILIPSI got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, how are you going to get into the corners?”
More Emo Philips Quotes
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I’ve never been back to THAT newstand.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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I’m learning Cuban. It’s like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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Interviewers always used to ask me about my pageboy haircut, and it drove me nuts: it almost made me suspect that there was something strange about it. So I cut off my pageboy.
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I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I’m seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck!’
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I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?
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You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn’t involve a magic spell.
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The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn’t I see you on television? I said, I don’t know. You can’t see out the other way.
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they’re just as scared of me.
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I caught my wife in bed with my best friend the other day. I was crushed. They could have waited till I’d got out.
EMO PHILIPS