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I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

Bob Hope

Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it’s also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.
BOB HOPE

Beautiful Golf Member Successful
You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
BOB HOPE

Fans Letters Raspberries
My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
BOB HOPE

Christmas Holiday Old Fashioned Xmas
I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, “Don’t worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it’s obsolete.”
BOB HOPE

Aircraft Asked Bob Obsolete Type Worry
I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.
BOB HOPE

Although Beautiful Girl Lucky Over Thing Whole
Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands
BOB HOPE

Culture Hands Moving
I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight – and that was just their hair.
BOB HOPE

England Hair Line One
We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
BOB HOPE

Courses Decide Golf Play Spring
Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn’t get elected, he’d go back to acting.
BOB HOPE

Acting Funny President
For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green
BOB HOPE

Firsts Green Oscars
The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he’s not running for anything.
BOB HOPE

Aspiration Funny Presidential Running States
I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.
BOB HOPE

Hands Men Ruined Stepping
I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Littles
I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.
BOB HOPE

Men President Six
She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn’t understand us at all.
BOB HOPE

America Funny Humorous
Everybody is afraid they won’t have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.
BOB HOPE

Discover Funny Money Taken

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

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I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

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