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Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.

Bob Hope

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.
BOB HOPE

Citizen Funny Golf Hope
Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Kids Wonderful
I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Love People Witty
That’s life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
BOB HOPE

Dieting Golf Loss Weight
The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.
BOB HOPE

Aspirin Firm Print Times
My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
BOB HOPE

Christmas Holiday Old Fashioned Xmas
I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.
BOB HOPE

Caddies Golf Lying
One of our stock lines used to be “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Bing, and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me.” And that’s the way we go through life – doing nothing for each other!
BOB HOPE

Each Lines Nothing Other Stock Way
It’s a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you’ll be able to watch it all on TV.
BOB HOPE

May Watches World
Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.
BOB HOPE

Beach Golf Grass Pebbles
Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome – the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.
BOB HOPE

Golf Paramedic Play Trying
US President Gerald Ford’s golf was so bad we thought he was a ‘Hitman for the PGA!
BOB HOPE

Ford Gerald Golf President
In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you.
BOB HOPE

Funny Rain Weather
Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn’t get elected, he’d go back to acting.
BOB HOPE

Acting Funny President
I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.
BOB HOPE

Country People Political Jokes
I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
BOB HOPE

Golf Green Pay

Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.

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Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.

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