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A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.

Bob Hope

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
BOB HOPE

Country Kissing Lazy Love People
Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn’t hear them.
BOB HOPE

Funny Item People Telling Years
We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Successful
I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
BOB HOPE

Funny Inspirational Place Proactive Time
Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.
BOB HOPE

Blow Home Hurricane Tornadoes Typhoon Worry
Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands
BOB HOPE

Culture Hands Moving
Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday … He would say, ‘Keep it sweet and short and don’t try to be funny.’
BOB HOPE

Singing Sweet Trying
Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.
BOB HOPE

Business Golf Green Pay
Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend’s house during a power failure.
BOB HOPE

Failure Girlfriend House Sex
The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.
BOB HOPE

Funny Handshake Tired Water
I led such a sheltered life I didn’t go out with girls until I was almost four.
BOB HOPE

Four Girl Lives Sheltered
I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
BOB HOPE

Friend Funny Hate Inspiration
It’s not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course – you just follow the wounded.
BOB HOPE

Course Golf Wounded
President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.
BOB HOPE

Golf Painting President
I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight – and that was just their hair.
BOB HOPE

England Hair Line One
Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.
BOB HOPE

Comedy Definitely Essence Life

A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.

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A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.

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