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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.

Bill Maher

They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
BILL MAHER

Ban Bed Myself People Smoking
At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
BILL MAHER

Institution Mental Move Point Time
Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER

Atheism Position Religion Sex
When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
BILL MAHER

Office People Silence Talk
You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
BILL MAHER

Husband Name People Time Wrong
Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
BILL MAHER

Build Fly People Plane Progress Religion Stop Thinking
The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
BILL MAHER

Difference Religion Talk Voice
Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
BILL MAHER

Injustice Tolerance Yourself
Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
BILL MAHER

Death Myself Possession Power Promise
There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
BILL MAHER

God Live Money Ourselves Trust
Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
BILL MAHER

God Man Quit Suicide Way Yourself
If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
BILL MAHER

Against Gay Sexuality Yourself
If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
BILL MAHER

Best Music Technology Yourself
The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
BILL MAHER

Children Date Different Myself Ritual
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
BILL MAHER

God Man Myself Need Religion
In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
BILL MAHER

Constituency Crazy Politics

Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.

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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.

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