Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
BILL BAILEYThe reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
-
-
Thank God for Darwin, eh?
BILL BAILEY -
In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
BILL BAILEY -
You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
BILL BAILEY -
People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
BILL BAILEY -
Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
BILL BAILEY -
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
BILL BAILEY -
I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
BILL BAILEY -
I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
BILL BAILEY -
Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
BILL BAILEY -
I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
BILL BAILEY -
Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
BILL BAILEY -
Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
BILL BAILEY -
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
BILL BAILEY -
I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars… I’m not bitter at all.
BILL BAILEY -
Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
BILL BAILEY







