The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
BILL BAILEYThe reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
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This shed does not contain me.
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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