I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
BILL BAILEYThe reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
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Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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This shed does not contain me.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
BILL BAILEY