Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCEOpposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
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Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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