Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
AMBROSE BIERCEDivorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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Fidelity – a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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