You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KINGWe set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
More Alan King Quotes
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The other day my house caught fire.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KING