And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KINGYou do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
More Alan King Quotes
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING






