If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
ALAN KINGYou do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
More Alan King Quotes
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
ALAN KING