The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
ALAN KINGYou do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
More Alan King Quotes
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
ALAN KING