I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
ALAN KINGYou do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
More Alan King Quotes
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KING






