My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
ALAN KINGNow that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
More Alan King Quotes
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KING -
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
ALAN KING






