I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KINGNow that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
More Alan King Quotes
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
ALAN KING