One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KINGMy favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
More Alan King Quotes
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KING -
I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
ALAN KING -
I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
ALAN KING -
Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
ALAN KING -
My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
ALAN KING -
That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
ALAN KING