I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
ALAN KINGWhen I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
More Alan King Quotes
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
ALAN KING