I was a high school throw-out.
ALAN KINGWhen I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
More Alan King Quotes
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KING