One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KINGWhen I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
More Alan King Quotes
-
-
Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
ALAN KING -
Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
ALAN KING -
The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
ALAN KING -
I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KING -
Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
ALAN KING -
I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KING -
When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
ALAN KING -
An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
ALAN KING -
A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
ALAN KING -
The other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KING -
And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KING -
I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
ALAN KING -
Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
ALAN KING -
Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KING -
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KING