If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
ALAN KINGEating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
More Alan King Quotes
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING