When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
ADAM CAROLLAI guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
ADAM CAROLLA