Welfare is monetary methadone.
ADAM CAROLLAI’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
ADAM CAROLLA