When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
ADAM CAROLLAI don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
ADAM CAROLLA