I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
ADAM CAROLLAI don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
ADAM CAROLLA