I am not a good cue card reader.
ADAM CAROLLAI think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
ADAM CAROLLA