If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
ADAM CAROLLAThere’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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The pace of radio is very fast. Boom, boom, with a little six minute segment, then on to the next thing. With podcasts you can talk about something for 25 minutes if you like – there is a lot of artistic freedom with it.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
ADAM CAROLLA






