Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
ADAM CAROLLAI attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
ADAM CAROLLA