Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
ADAM CAROLLAWhen I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
ADAM CAROLLA