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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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