I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
ADAM CAROLLAMy first car was a motorcycle.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
ADAM CAROLLA -
But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn’t imagine it.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
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I’d never hurt another person.
ADAM CAROLLA