If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
ADAM CAROLLAMy first car was a motorcycle.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with their pluses and minuses.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
ADAM CAROLLA