I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
ADAM CAROLLAMy first car was a motorcycle.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn’t imagine it.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
ADAM CAROLLA