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My first car was a motorcycle.

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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It’s a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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It’s something I’ve always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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