I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
ADAM CAROLLAYou shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
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I get depressed at airports.
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That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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It’s something I’ve always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
ADAM CAROLLA