I don’t know anything about computers.
ADAM CAROLLAYou shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
ADAM CAROLLA