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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

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Anything Eating Funny Humor Microwave Six Take

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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Best Build Drive Gift Impossible Seem Stuff Yourself
I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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Car Guy Hammer Nut Sort Swinging Turning Wrenching
I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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Annoyed Feel Like Time Travel Traveler
California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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Country Fall Forty-Five Look School
What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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Common Sense Fist Hand Lawyer Sanitizer
If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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Act Boom Country Driven Gay Golf Real Rule Section Value
When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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Excitement Express Knowledge Radio Show Yourself
It’s something I’ve always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
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Around Doing Ebook Kicked Man Poor Rich Something
I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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Aisle Feeling Land Side Thing Views
If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
ADAM CAROLLA

Beer Bottle Butterfly Chased Idea Sell Water
Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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Feel Free Higher Pay Tax
That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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Forever Funny Humor Interesting Philosophical Question
If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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Always Boxed Boxing Fight Ring Taught Won
I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
ADAM CAROLLA

Definitely Drama Future Life Making Serious
Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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Oprah Read Reading Tell Thinking Women

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