If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
ADAM CAROLLAIf you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
ADAM CAROLLA[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLANo, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
ADAM CAROLLAIf birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
ADAM CAROLLAThis is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
ADAM CAROLLAIt’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
ADAM CAROLLAI feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
ADAM CAROLLAThere are certain things women are better at than men.
ADAM CAROLLAMaybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
ADAM CAROLLAI am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
ADAM CAROLLADon’t do your best, do my best.
ADAM CAROLLAWell, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
ADAM CAROLLAI saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
ADAM CAROLLAJunior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
ADAM CAROLLAI have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
ADAM CAROLLABeing a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
ADAM CAROLLA