If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
ADAM CAROLLA[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
ADAM CAROLLA