I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
ADAM CAROLLA[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It’s a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
ADAM CAROLLA