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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

Adam Carolla

The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Compelling Good Host Podcast
Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
ADAM CAROLLA

Besides Birth Control Everything Funny Giving Humor Pill Women
If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
ADAM CAROLLA

Affiliation Everyone Glenn Beck Life Media Started Towards Worried
Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
ADAM CAROLLA

Care Everone Funny Humor Intimidating Oh My God Saying
I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
ADAM CAROLLA

Like Performing Radio Stuff Television Watching
And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
ADAM CAROLLA

Asian Common Country Goal Guttenberg Hispanic Together
When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
ADAM CAROLLA

Basketball Brother Guy Odd Playing Team Yarmulke
People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
ADAM CAROLLA

Drag Dream People Person Realistic
It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
ADAM CAROLLA

Challenge Funnier Morning Reason Water
No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
ADAM CAROLLA

Book Comedian Comedy Enjoy Fun Read Reader
I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
ADAM CAROLLA

Anybody Harmless Ill Know People Thought Towards
I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
ADAM CAROLLA

Country Differences Drunk Funny Guess Hard Work Humor Worked
So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.
ADAM CAROLLA

Admit Bringing Courage God Keep People Suppress
I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ability Field Healthcare Playing Right Thinking Work
Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ashtray College High Junior School
Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aware Get Getting Laid Over Thing

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

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Popular Authors

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