Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
ADAM CAROLLAI didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
ADAM CAROLLA -
When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
ADAM CAROLLA -
I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
ADAM CAROLLA -
We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
ADAM CAROLLA -
There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
ADAM CAROLLA -
We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
ADAM CAROLLA -
My first car was a motorcycle.
ADAM CAROLLA -
There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
ADAM CAROLLA -
If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
ADAM CAROLLA -
There are certain things women are better at than men.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
ADAM CAROLLA