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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bird Book Escape Mean Moving Relieved
Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
ADAM CAROLLA

Crapping Experience Explore Life Yourself
I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
ADAM CAROLLA

Blue Collar Doofus Guy Valley
Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
ADAM CAROLLA

Actually Chance Chick Funny Humor Mercedes Name
My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
ADAM CAROLLA

Government Kind Mom Occasional Participated Welfare
I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
ADAM CAROLLA

Definitely Drama Future Life Making Serious
I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
ADAM CAROLLA

Car Guy Hammer Nut Sort Swinging Turning Wrenching
Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
ADAM CAROLLA

Advantage Ask Focus Asking Judging Smell Someone
That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
ADAM CAROLLA

Forever Funny Humor Interesting Philosophical Question
I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
ADAM CAROLLA

Anybody Attention Ill Money Power Thought Towards Will
. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Bless Country Dancing Floor God Man Star Win Woman Wooden
Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
ADAM CAROLLA

Butch Dyke Funny Humor Lesbian Lipstick Sweatpant Thinking
I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Attempted Comedy Good Stand Up Very
The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Equal Everything Footing Hate Publicist Rid Thinking
My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
ADAM CAROLLA

History Less Motto Mystery Reveal Suspense
There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
ADAM CAROLLA

Agnostic Atheist Away Bigger Cancer Christian Screening Take

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