[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLAI like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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I’m a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I’m into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
ADAM CAROLLA