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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.

Adam Carolla

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
ADAM CAROLLA

Advantage Ask Focus Asking Judging Smell Someone
If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
ADAM CAROLLA

Act Boom Country Driven Gay Golf Real Rule Section Value
I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
ADAM CAROLLA

Breed Cat Certain Like People Performing Radio Stuff Television
Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
ADAM CAROLLA

Actually Chance Chick Funny Humor Mercedes Name
Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
ADAM CAROLLA

Enough Formatted Need Poor Reader Show Type
It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
ADAM CAROLLA

Fouth July Like Underpants
To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ability Assess Honest Honestly Important More Something Working
I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
ADAM CAROLLA

Admit God Know Law Other Same Way World
Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bed Difficulty Honestly Kind Relaxing Stuff
I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ability Field Healthcare Playing Right Thinking Work
When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
ADAM CAROLLA

Basketball Brother Guy Odd Playing Team Yarmulke
I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
ADAM CAROLLA

Form Format Freedom Mess Podcasting
Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
ADAM CAROLLA

Oprah Read Reading Tell Thinking Women
I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
ADAM CAROLLA

Funny Humor Month Potentially Really Trying Two Week
I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
ADAM CAROLLA

Burn Calories Happen Masculine Trying World
As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bird Book Escape Mean Moving Relieved

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.

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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.

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Popular Authors

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