I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
ADAM CAROLLAAs I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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I get depressed at airports.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
ADAM CAROLLA