There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
ADAM CAROLLAAs I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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Rich people don’t pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes – they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn’t pay taxes.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
ADAM CAROLLA