I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
ADAM CAROLLAAs I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with their pluses and minuses.
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
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Lets not focus on saving a nickel… lets focus on making a buck.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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The pace of radio is very fast. Boom, boom, with a little six minute segment, then on to the next thing. With podcasts you can talk about something for 25 minutes if you like – there is a lot of artistic freedom with it.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
ADAM CAROLLA