You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
ADAM CAROLLAWe’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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I’m harmless. I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you’re that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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