I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
ADAM CAROLLAWe’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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We’re always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
ADAM CAROLLA