Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
ADAM CAROLLAWe’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
ADAM CAROLLA






