You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
ADAM CAROLLAWe’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. .
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.
ADAM CAROLLA






