I know people who believe in ghosts but don’t believe in themselves.
MITCH HEDBERG
I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
More Mitch Hedberg Quotes
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I know people who believe in ghosts but don’t believe in themselves.
MITCH HEDBERG -
Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I’m throwing a Frisbee.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I love my fed-ex guy cause he’s a drug dealer and he don’t even know it…and he’s always on time.
MITCH HEDBERG -
Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.
MITCH HEDBERG -
Every picture of you is when you were younger.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I don’t own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say ‘Mitch,’ and I say ‘what?’ and turn my head slightly.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.
MITCH HEDBERG -
If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.
MITCH HEDBERG -
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don’t really know what’s happening down there. Who is the real hero?
MITCH HEDBERG -
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If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.
MITCH HEDBERG -
Dogs are forever in the push up postion.
MITCH HEDBERG -
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
MITCH HEDBERG -
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.
MITCH HEDBERG