Why are there no “during” pictures?
MITCH HEDBERGI saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, “Don’t worry, Dude. I won’t say anything.”
More Mitch Hedberg Quotes
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Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8?
MITCH HEDBERG -
I think football is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I was walking down the street with my friend and he said ‘I hear music,’ as though there’s any other way to take it in. ‘You’re not special. That’s how I receive it too, I tried to taste it, but it did not work’.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I want to ride in a cold air balloon. “This isn’t going anywhere!”
MITCH HEDBERG -
I don’t own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say ‘Mitch,’ and I say ‘what?’ and turn my head slightly.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add “er”.
MITCH HEDBERG -
Here’s a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more people.
MITCH HEDBERG -
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don’t want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You’ll be mad, but it will be too late.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.
MITCH HEDBERG -
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I’d hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I don’t wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.
MITCH HEDBERG -
Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.
MITCH HEDBERG