black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.

W. C. Fields

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes