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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.

W. C. Fields

I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.

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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.

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