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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

W. C. Fields

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

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