Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDSYou can’t cheat an honest man.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
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The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
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I drink therefore I am.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS






