I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDSIf you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
-
-
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS -
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS -
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS -
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS -
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS -
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS -
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS -
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS -
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS -
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS -
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS -
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS -
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS