black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.

W. C. Fields

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time

You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes