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I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.

W. C. Fields

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Hands Myself See
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS

Marriage Night Survive Woman
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See

I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.

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I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.

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