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I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.

W. C. Fields

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel

I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.

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I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.

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