I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDSA man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
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You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS