If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDSAlcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
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I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
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You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS






