If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDSIf you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDSI exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDSI don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDSAlcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDSThis job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDSNever try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDSThere’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDSFew things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDSI drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDSIt ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDSIf it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDSStart every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDSMarry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDSI don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDSYou can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDSWhen doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS