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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

W. C. Fields

Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom

I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

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