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I never met a kid I liked.

W. C. Fields

I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time

I never met a kid I liked.

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I never met a kid I liked.

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