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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

W. C. Fields

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful

Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

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