“Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!”

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.

I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.

Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.

I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.

I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.

Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

There’s no bigger pain anywhere in the world than a vegetarian.

Stopping the junk food and Eating well is partially about cooking well and having the skills to do that.

Initially let your food do the talking. You’ll be surprised how far you go in a short period of time.

I hid myself in food.

We are not hungry. Why foist this food upon us? We don’t want to be choked. We have enough.

Friends, music, and food is a combination that makes this world an even more beautiful place.

I am the biggest lofthouse cookie stan.

You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by his way of eating jellybeans.