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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

W. C. Fields

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost

Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

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