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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

W. C. Fields

I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

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