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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

W. C. Fields

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
When you wake up in the morning, smile – and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Wake Up Yourself
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS

Argument Attitude Myself
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

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