black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

W. C. Fields

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself

Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More W. C. Fields Quotes