“An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.”

Common sense ain’t common.

Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.

Communism is like prohibition, it is a good idea, but it won’t work.

The more ignorant you are, the quicker you fight.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Do the best you can, and don’t take life too serious.

You can’t say civilization don’t advance, in every war they kill you in a new way.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

Work to make a living; serve to make a life.

The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don’t let it get the best of you.

We can’t all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.

The best way out of a difficulty is through it.

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

My favorite Dylan song? I think it’s ‘Just Like a Woman.’ It always makes me cry.

Young people have forgotten to cry the blues. Now they talk and get lawyers and things.

Yet, when your ears come upon the truth, the facts of life, you hide your faces and cry, not able

If there is ever a time crying out for courageous leadership, its now.

Boast is always a cry of despair, except in the young it is a cry of hope.

We live in a world that is crying out for better leadership.

Sometimes our behavior with each other is no different from the cry of an unattended baby.

Laughing and crying are really similar – what happens to your body. It’s a very similar process in your diaphragm. Like a musician, you have to do your scales once in a while and warm up your voice.