I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight – and that was just their hair.
BOB HOPEChiropractic is a wonderful means of natural healing!
More Bob Hope Quotes
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The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.
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It was a typically British birth… I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward… I came out in sympathy.
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I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.
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One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.
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When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.
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I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.
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A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
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I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.
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I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, ‘What do I do next?’ Pat replied, ‘Wait till the pain dies down.’
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He was bare chested and in good trim. I said that just looking at him I knew there would always be an England
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I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?
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If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right.
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All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It’s in the lease.
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I don’t bother to look for parking space anymore. As soon as I get near Hollywood Boulevard … I sell.
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The home videos aren’t as good, but they are seeming to get better.
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Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
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The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear’s huge jaws. I wouldn’t even try that with my agent.
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He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.
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I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.
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You know what a fan letter is – it’s just an inky raspberry.
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I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
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I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?
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My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
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I have too much money invested in sweaters.
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The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.
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I don’t know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He’s done nothing.
BOB HOPE